are we on our way to become a gracious society?

it is impossible to expect each and every individual to be gracious. if we are looking for a society in which everyone exudes graciousness, then we are looking for an utopia. when we talk about a gracious society, we are talking in comparative term - where you are actually comparing the outward manifestations of graciousness between one society and another.

when someone says that singapore will never become a gracious society (in his life time), that someone may have in mind another society where the manners and behaviour of the people are more refined and acceptable. in most cases, the benchmark that such a person uses may be that of a more developed country.

graciousness encompasses more than just etiquettes, manners and behaviour. a person well versed in etiquettes is not necessarily a gracious person. likewise, a person who is well-mannered and behaves like a gentleman may not qualify as a gracious person. a gentleman who refuses to get involved, to lend a helping hand, cannot be considered to have grace.

during my travels, i have witnessed some facets of graciousness which i hope to see evolve in my own country. i remember when i first visited hawaii, i was most impressed by the warm and spontaneous greetings of the local people. in london, the good impression came from the way the commuters who are not in a hurry automatically keep to the left of the escalators. on the roads, even in busy london city, the drivers appear to be less impatient and more forgiving. in australia, i was warmed to hear the passengers thanking the driver at the end of the ride - this was in an suburban area, not in the city.

as i see it, to become a more gracious society, first, we have to learn to be less inhibited and more open and forthcoming. in a situation where help is needed, we should not wait for another person to act first. graciousness has very much to do with being considerate and showing concern for our fellow human beings. graciousness is also about having compassion and mercifulness. a gracious society is one where people are interested and concerned about the welfare of their fellow men.

another insight is the experience from my walks in singapore and australia, i am able to sense the difference between the people here and in australia. the australians are more forthcoming; they will greet you first when you meet them along the walking path. in singapore, we tend to hold back because it is still not a part of our culture. and when we do greet people, we sometimes receive a stony silence kind of response.

another indicator of graciousness is the way we drive. over the years i have observed some improvements in this area but we are still not there yet. we still find a lot of queue jumpers when there is a bad jam, a lot of drivers not signalling and, of late, i have noticed drivers ignoring the red light.

i am not implying that i am more gracious than others or that i am already there. i do have my quirks and idiosyncrasies which make me do things which are not so gracious. for example, i will not give in/way to queue jumpers or motorists who do not form up when they have to turn.

so, it looks like the road of graciousness is still way ahead.